Nick:

  Hey! It was good to see you again Victor! I really missed hanging out with you!

  Me:

  I Know! Sorry we haven’t caught up much, I am just dealing with my own mental issues.

  Nick:

  I understand, I am here if you need anything!

  Me:

  Thanks, bud I will keep that in mind.

  Sighing as I put away my phone, I can’t help but wonder if there would ever be a time that I could comfortably tell anyone my secret. My Issues.

  “You could if you just trusted people”

  That’s the problem, see, people with my particur brand of crazy have quite the stigma around them. No one trusts us, especially with mainstream media causing even further misunderstandings.

  “But if you don’t trust people, how will we ever get to explore ourselves?”

  I am trying, honestly I am. I am really just terrified though, what happens if they try to lock me up? What happens when they inevitably distance themselves from me?

  “Fears are worries that don’t often happen. They stem from a reality of a story you have told yourself, one that does not and may not ever exist.”

  Oh yeah, just go quoting, or rather bastardizing the quotes from a movie I really enjoy. FINE! The next person that wants to be in a retionship with me, I will tell them ok? Does that make you all happy???

  “Yes.”

  What about you asshat? Any weigh-in on the issue at hand?

  …

  Yeah, crickets, that’s what I thought. Therapy says we are supposed to work together on stuff like this you know. If you don’t weigh in, how am I supposed to know how you feel about things.

  “You know how I feel about this, if you finally start letting emotion out, us out, we might get to find people on our own.”

  Chuckling, I got up from my seat at the café and start walking home. I had paid for my drink hours ago, before Nick left. He was a cute guy, fiery red hair and a temper to match. Though, he hadn’t always been a guy, he had transitioned years ago. We were in a retionship at the time, but I don’t really like men, much to his chagrin. We did try though, but I could never trust him with my own issues. I am gd he was able to find a partner.

  “I could have been with him!”

  I almost choked trying to hold back my ughter at that. No, you could not, and you know it. He would not have provided anything you needed, not to mention your dysmorphia would have made it impossible to talk with him.

  That’s why I am on hormones now, stuck somewhere before happy body nd and ewwww that’s ugly nd.

  There was a cacophonous ughter as I finished that thought. Gd they got a kick out of the statement. Not like any of them dared to take a step out during this period. Not while the secret was still there.

  I told them plenty of times that they could each go out on their own and explore the world but something about fronting made many of them falter. I fronted more when there wasn’t any working. Al, logical guy tended to front during work. He was sciency. I imagine him looking somewhat like Alucard from Helsing just… you know wearing a b coat and big dorky gsses shining while he works on something seemingly innocent that turns out to be terrible for everyone else.

  Sighing again, I always wonder what it’s like to be N??????o??????r?????m??????a????????l?????. Honestly, it sounds terrifying now, I used to wish for it constantly. Back when I would wake up wondering who’s house I was sleeping in and how I got there.

  I was brought out of my thoughts abruptly as the world went dark. Almost as if the lights were suddenly flipped off. In wonder I looked up and Al almost choked as we read “O???b???j???e???c???t??? ???r???e???f???e???r???e???n???c???e??? ???n???o???t??? ???s???e???t??? ???t???o??? ???a???n??? ???i???n???s???t???a???n???c???e??? ???o???f??? ???a???n??? ???o???b???j???e???c???t???”. Bold green text across the bck expanse that would be the sky.

  Then? Well, then my mind shattered...

  ShyCirci