I was ready to sleep and waiting for Violet to return from the bathroom. That was something super simple, and yet, I was with the “butterflies in the stomach” feeling.

  After that chance meeting with mum and us hugging, I’d like to say I cheered up, but there were still some things weighting my mind. I thought Violet picked that up and pointed at a lovely set. It had ces around the holes for the legs and body and was a bit see-through in the fabric connecting the front and back.

  “Do you… do you think that would…” her words drifted.

  “You don’t have to do that to cheer me.”

  “But… I like it…”

  That was our back and forth then, and she was looking so cute, blushing, shy and worrying about it not looking weird on her, it got my mind set on the right path. Why was I worrying about mum and not enjoying my limited time with my dear friend? It was peak idiocy.

  “Pfft, hehe.”

  Can you believe that girl didn’t have a favourite colour? At least that’s what it looked like. I asked her what it was and she answered “white”, but in such a way it sounded like she was simply picking a colour at random. Just to be sure, I asked Violet if it really was her favourite or if her answer was simply because all of her underwear was white. She didn’t answer, but instead asked what colour she should choose.

  “Violet,” I told her.

  As was my pn, she thought I was calling out her name instead of making a suggestion. I did think that colour would look good on her, since she’s so pale.

  “Not ‘violet’ you, ‘violet’ the colour.”

  “Oh… right. I should have seen that coming,” she said with a little ugh.

  “I’m dead serious by the way.”

  After that, we went on a small shopping spree. She got a bit excited, you see, and having me with her gave Violet the courage she needed to go to the stores she always had wanted to but was too self-conscious to step inside. She didn’t buy all that much, but I must say, she had very good taste. I still worried she’d be overspending, but between her allowance and part-time, she had saved way more money than what she could spend on her day-to-day life.

  We ended up forgetting about the sleeping bras, only remembering that when we were discussing what I’d be wearing tomorrow. I could use one of her uniforms, but what about what I’d wear beneath?

  I sat on the floor with Violet standing behind me as I emptied my bag to see what I had in it. Of use to mess with her again were two pairs of socks and one nylon shorts that I told I’d use under my skirt.

  She of course didn’t like that, fussing about my comfort and hygiene. I then leaned on her legs and looked up, wanting to see her face but seeing more than what I bargained for.

  “Not every girl is a proper dy. Don’t worry about it.”

  “But…” she repeated with a worried face.

  “By the way, Violet?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I can see your panties.”

  She leapt back, making me almost hit my head on the floor. She was back to her lovely red face.

  “W-wait a minute! That’s not possible! I’m wearing shorts under the dress!”

  “Indeed. What’s up with that?”

  “Oh…erm… just a habit.”

  “Violet, your face is like an open book. Just tell me already.”

  “Well… y-you know I take the bus to school, right?”

  “You fell asleep and made a show out of it?”

  I was spot on and, to make her feel better, got up and pced my hands on her shoulders. I thanked her for telling me that, and how much it meant for me that she confided me such an embarrassing story. If she was telling me that, then it meant she was trusting me more than ever before, right? That’s what I also told her, causing the corners of her mouth to twitch into a smile.

  “Haah… what a day…”

  It truly had been a day I’d never forget.

  As I was muttering this, I heard the front door opening and closing. Thinking it was her dad, I got up to greet him and making him know I’d be staying tonight too.

  He was tottering a bit, looking like Paul’s dad dragged him to a bar.

  “Yes, I’ll sleep here tonight too. Sorry for the intrusion, Mr. Stan.”

  “Not at all. I like having you here. The house feels a lot livelier with you around.”

  “I see. Thank you, Mr. Stan.”

  “Yeah… Anyway, you two have a good night.”

  He was probably the nicest adult—rather, the genuinely nicest adult. Many were nice to me, but it was more out of politeness and not because they really appreciated my company. He was such a breeze of fresh air.

  “Also…” he said as he turned his face towards me, having an awkward smile on dispy. “I’m fine about you two.”

  “Erm… Thanks,” I told him, equally awkwardly. I had the feeling there was a big misunderstanding, but I was too afraid to ask him to specify what he meant.

  “Yeah… good night.”

  Well, if he’s fine with it, then it’s not a problem.

  He’d eventually realise Violet and I weren’t anything weird, so him thinking we were dating or friends with benefits wasn’t that big of an issue.

  “Abby? What are you doing here?” Violet asked.

  Looking at her with this light, I noticed she didn’t have her gsses on. It felt a bit strange. I liked it, but I think I liked it more seeing her with them.

  “I was just greeting your dad. He seemed to be in a good mood.”

  “Oh, that’s good,” she said giving a brief look upwards, before returning her gaze to me. “I wish he did that more often. Anyway, hurry up so we can go to bed.”

  “Oh my! Aren’t you a naughty girl,” I teased as I covered my chest, as if it were bare. I went completely red as the fear of him having heard that and deepening the misunderstanding crept up. It wasn’t like that. I mean, true I did dream about kissing Violet… and some other stuff… but it wasn’t like that.

  “It’s not like that! We have csses tomorrow,” she chided.

  I was again with the butterflies in my stomach. Why do we even call that feeling that?

  That feeling wasn’t helped when seeing her slightly nervous face peeking at me in bed. Was I actually like that?

  No, no. It’s just because of her reaction.

  I went and got myself under the sheet too. I hadn’t taken any of my clothes and I was already feeling stuffy.

  “Aren’t you hot?” she asked as she noticed my discomfort.

  “It’s not so bad. Besides, I don’t want to make you feel too awkward today.”

  I was lying about it not being so bad. I felt like I was going to break in a sweat at any minute. If it was because of the nerves or because of the actual heat, I didn’t know. Was I becoming like Violet?

  “It’s ok. If it gets too much, I’ll take my top off.”

  “Well… ok.”

  I could see an argument forming as she made that pause, but what it was, I wouldn’t get to hear. Good night she added as she turned off the mp.

  “Good night, Violet.”

  That wasn’t the end of it. I was feeling hotter each passing minute. I tried not to toss in bed too much, but that eventually made Violet react.

  “You can… take it off,” she said softly.

  “Sorry. Did I wake you?”

  “No, I also can’t sleep because of the heat.”

  “I know, right? Doesn’t feel like autumn at all,” I said trying to sound casual.

  “…Yeah…”

  She shifted in the bed and sat up. She then proceeded to remove her top almost shakingly and threw it towards her feet before lying down again. That was her way of saying she was fine with that, although it clearly was taking a toll on her.

  Violet’s action did make me remove my top, all right. Also, my denim shorts since they were uncomfortable to sleep in. At this point you could say I was steaming. It also had the effect of making my heart throb at full capacity as I had an argument in my head.

  I wasn’t like that! I really wasn’t. But if that was the case, why was I feeling the way I was? Also, would it really be that bad if I was? I even got her father’s blessing.

  At least I think I have.

  But what about the rest of the people? What about Violet? Would she accept me?

  No, I don’t think she would.

  She wasn’t like me. Not that I was like that, mind you. But… she did cuddle with me that morning and kissed my navel.

  Nah, she was just acting out a dream.

  But… what kind of dream would make Violet do that? Was I… the subject of the dream? No, of course not. Violet was a proper dy, I was the dirty minded one. Anyway, she wouldn’t like me back that way. Would we even stay friends if I were? If she knew? Maybe, but we wouldn’t be the same around each other like we were now. Our dynamic would be ruined. I’d hate that.

  But… let’s suppose I was actually like that and she was too. Not that it was the case, it was just a thought experiment. What then? Would things be different? We already did weird things together, so…would we do even weirder things? That would be… that wouldn’t feel bad, right? No, no, of course it would.

  And what would people think?

  Well, her father seemed ok, assuming that was what he was talking about… but what about my parents? My father, I had no idea what to expect. My mum though, she would go nuclear. She didn’t like Violet even before they met earlier today, let alone Violet also being a girl and not rich. I could see mum putting me in a psychiatric ward or kick me out of the house. And those were the best-case scenarios. And if she discovered Violet’s dad worked for her… yeah, it would be really bad.

  Yeah, I should keep all of this to myself.

  Not that there really was anything to talk about.

  The butterflies I had died down after my internal argument and left a pit in my chest in their pce.

  I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone and isoted.

  “Violet,” I whispered in a cracked voice.

  I had started to cry without realising.

  Almost immediately she rotated so she could face me.

  “What’s wrong Abby? Why are you crying?”

  I apologised and told her it was nothing, but she wouldn’t let it go, putting her gentle hands on me and talking with a soft voice.

  “I don’t think she will let us see each other,” I blurted.

  I curled into a ball and tears were now pouring out of the eyes as I told her that. It wasn’t the full reason I was crying, but it was the only one I could say out loud.

  She didn’t say a word. She just enveloped her arms around me. We were both sticky and it was too hot for that, but it felt so… reassuring. I could feel a wave of calmness starting to wash away my worries and fears as she came to rest her chin on my head and pated it gently with a shaky hand, her scent filling my head.

  “Is it bad that we are friends?”

  “No!” I cried. “Even if she tells me to, I won’t let us be apart because of her! Even if she beats me up… that’s the one thing I’ll never do no matter what she does!”

  “But… am I not being a problem to—”

  “No!” I cut her words as I now also wrapped my arms around her. “If anyone is a problem, it’s her! You are one of the few things that make me happy! How could you say that!?”

  “Sorry… I’m just… I’m worried about you.”

  “Please, promise me… promise me you will always be with me,” I begged desperately as I dug myself deeper in her hold.

  “I promise…” she said meekly. I thought I heard her add under her breath I also don’t want that to happen too.

  I must have spent an hour, maybe even close to two crying out my frustrations. I knew I had a lot of stuff buried in my chest, but I had never known I held so much emotional baggage. Having her holding me made it all finally come out at once. It’s like my being had run out of space from having her enter my life and forced everything else out.

  Having now calmed down, I grew aware of what we were doing.

  “Sorry. This must be very uncomfortable for you.”

  “Yeah… I was… I was so worried I didn’t think about it.”

  She now sounded embarrassed. Even so, I decided to be a bit selfish.

  “Can we stay like this for just a bit longer?” I asked quietly.

  “…Hmm.”

  She shyly giggled a bit.

  “Just five more minutes?”

  “Yeah… Something like that,” I answered while remembering what she was referring.

  She just gave me a tug towards her. Feeling my knees pressing on her belly, I unfurled so she could be a bit more comfortable, and I could get just a bit closer to her. Unfortunately, all that crying exhausted me, and I fell asleep almost immediately and didn’t get to savour that proximity for long.

  I woke up with a ringing and a gruntle. Fuzzy with sleep, I opened my eyes, and they were met with two pink circles. Hearing a gasp from the top of my head, I looked up, and was met with a slightly startled, fully blushed Violet face, her nose almost touching mine. We were still in the same position as when I had my breakdown. That made me blush too, and I was now trying not to look happy about it. I wasn’t even sure why I was that happy to begin with.

  “Morning, Violet,” I mumbled in a trembling voice.

  She didn’t answer. She just lifted slightly the sheet, peeked under, and proceeded to look back at me.

  “Did we…” she drifted.

  “Yeah, it appears we fell asleep after all my crying.”

  While saying that made me feel even more embarrassed, Violet on the other hand sighed in a way which sounded like she was relieved before breaking away our entanglement and sitting up on the bed. She did so holding the sheet to cover herself, exposing me in the process. The air felt cold on my skin.

  “Let’s get ready for school,” she said.