Chapter 36: Xiao Qiang's Fart Shakes Heaven and Earth

  The following days were quite unbearable for me, as the police never came. You tell me, a person with 50 million, when wearing handcuffs, should he stretch out his left hand first or his right hand? Should he face the camera with dignity and integrity or be held by two policemen on either side like a trident, confessing and surrendering? What to do about Xiang Yu's police raid?

  In recent years, I have only been to the police station to apply for a second-generation ID card and haven't really gone deep into their internal affairs. I don't understand the current atmosphere of the detention center, whether it's popular with iron-blooded or elegant styles, I don't know, otherwise, I'll suffer losses after entering.

  I waited on the left, but no one came; I waited on the right, but still no one came. Every day, I would roll up my sleeves and go to the street corner to wait for a police car. Finally, one day two people in uniform walked towards me, but after making a fuss, it turned out they were just train attendants asking for directions.

  I tried to contact Jin Shao Yan once, such a good brother, and he just left without saying goodbye. Did he really not leave any memories of me? The phone didn't go through either, and when I called Ruhua's office, no one answered.

  Logically speaking, whether it's Jin 1 or Jin 2 in Jin Shaoyan's body, the first thing they think of after waking up is me. Has this kid been photographed and lost his memory again?

  Since the police aren't coming, I'll just have to continue living a good life then.

  Because of waiting for the police, I haven't dared to go far away these days. If others think we are escaping with guilt, it won't be good. So, finding a place to live for 300 people has been delayed. Of course, so many people can't stay in hotels. Firstly, it's expensive. Secondly, new customers easily get into trouble. They are like one-year-old children, full of energy and curiosity. For their unintentional mistakes, you can't scold them, let alone beat them - especially this batch of customers!

  To let them stay in a hotel, fake certificates would cost a lot of money. And in the city, with so many people, what if they get hit by a car? What if they are beaten by the urban management or beat up the urban management? What if they encounter a census?

  I'm particularly looking for a black coal mine, the kind that's been hidden from the sun for thousands of years, where workers are forced to dig coal like slaves. With 300 special troops, it would be easy to occupy the coal mine and throw the coal boss inside. Unfortunately, all the black coal mines I can find have already been occupied by armed police uncles and exposed.

  Which great god passing by can take pity on me and give me a black coal kiln?

  Then go to Shennongjia with the wild men or go to Hoh Xil to protect the hunting, this field army's survival ability should not be a problem. Each person will receive two cans of compressed biscuits, one bottle of mineral water and one fruit knife. I estimate that after a few months, the poaching elements in Hoh Xil will be more precious than the Tibetan antelope.

  There are still those 54 good men, the specific list has not come down yet, but based on the ranking of strength, they must all be people who have appeared in the book more than N times. Like Wu Song and Hua Rong, Lin Chong is definitely there. Liu Lao Liu told me clearly: Without Song Jiang, it would be even more troublesome. As the saying goes, "a cowardly soldier has a cowardly general", without that useless leader, this group of people are all rebellious by nature, too difficult to deal with! In the suburbs of our city, there are two mountains, but they are both scenic areas that charge entrance fees. If these people occupy them, just wait for the guided missile bombing. Moreover, these people love drinking wine is a problem, not to mention causing trouble, I can't afford to drink 55 yuan Wuliangye like water, and after drinking, they also like to smash bowls. The Erliugou has been in poor condition for two years, if they come, it will be considered as revitalizing the economy!

  I'm worried, I'm depressed, I'm full of black lines all day, I'm pulling out my hair strand by strand.

  To talk about management-type talent, I have Qin Shi Huang here, but this fat guy is obsessed with games every day, loves playing Super Mario and Double Dragon, and drags Er Sha to play crazy every day. However, Contra is always played by himself because Er Sha always dies and asks him for a loan of people.

  Public relations talent I have Li Shishi, she seems to have forgotten Jin Shaoyan too, but for the time being, I still can't use her, let her go find a black coal kiln that doesn't match her profession, at most let the human trafficker sell her to the Great Northwest.

  Xiang Yu had been eyeing the little king next door's bread for some time, and Liu Bang thought he'd help him out this time by teaching him to bribe the little king with money. Fortunately, Xiang Yu was a man of true heroic spirit and wouldn't stoop to that - besides, he didn't have any money anyway.

  As for Liu Bang, this kid is really annoying, not helping me at all to share my worries and difficulties. Every day, he goes to the elderly activity center on time to swindle money from the old ladies who buy vegetables. Several times when I was cooking, the old ladies would come upstairs, chat with him for a while, and then take some cucumbers or scallions away. After that, they would even glare at me as if Liu Bang's winning their money was my doing.

  Old Man Zhao actually quite enjoys chatting with Liu Bang. He used to love listening to the "Story of the White Snake" in the drum books. But after Liu Bang told him the story in first person, he never listened to drum books again.

  After a calm week, I started asking around for a relatively remote place with vacant houses, preferably with courtyards. As a result, when people heard that 300 people wanted to live there, they all shook their heads in unison. A kind-hearted person even sincerely advised me: "Running a pyramid scheme will land you in jail."

  I'm worried, I'm depressed, I'm pulling my hair out. I've dug out all the yearbooks, diaries, and phone books that I've kept since graduating from elementary school, trying to find some useful information. There's a lot of useful information: Xia Le borrowed 3 cents from me in second grade and never paid it back, Xu Jia was late and I covered for him as class monitor, someone's little brother stepped on my pet snake plant... I even found an old love letter in one of the phone books, from a female classmate named Zhu Chengbi who had feelings for me. There was even a phone number at the bottom, but unfortunately it's been disconnected.

  Baozi rarely sees me so serious, she washed two radishes for me to comfort the troops. After I finished eating the two radishes, I suddenly felt refreshed and clear-headed, but my stomach was churning with turbid air. I put down the flowing water account and responded to Baozi's call to set up the table for dinner. As soon as everyone arrived and before we sat down, I finally let out a loud fart.

  Qin Shi Huang said discontentedly: "Hiss - you're disgusting to death." Li Shishi covered her mouth with a smile, and in this moment, our entire house had a faint rumbling sound underneath, Xiang Yu lost his color and said: "The power of one fart is so great?"

  Before he had finished speaking, the whole house began to shake violently, accompanied by a loud rumbling sound. We all started to lose our balance, and first the electric fan fell to the ground, followed by the water cups on the windowsill falling one after another. I saw the outside world shaking along with us, and a person riding a bicycle steadily was pulled by this massive force into a zigzag path.

  At the same time, I saw that everyone in the house changed their faces, Baozi tightly hugged me, Qin Shi Huang subconsciously put one hand on Jing Ke's arm, Xiang Yu rode a horse with his legs straddled, looking like he wanted to play with someone's life, Li Shishi grabbed Liu Bang tightly, but Liu Bang suddenly drilled under the table.

  The whole process lasted for seven or eight seconds, but it felt like a thousand years. When everything returned to calmness, we were still in the same posture as before. Then I heard someone outside shouting loudly: "Earthquake! Earthquake!" The crowd on the street started running wildly towards the outside of the house, mixed with women's screams and children's crying sounds. What was touching was that those old people, although they came out of the building last, were all protected by young people beside them.

  We remained silent, no one ran out. It was Liu Bang who broke the silence. He poked his head out from under the table and looked at me saying: "You still dare to deceive me by saying you're not a god!"

  Qin Shi Huang said stupidly: "Strong son, starving to death!"

  Li Shishi's brain has been short-circuited for a long time, she deeply understood me and the world I was in from the very beginning, the gods' rhetoric had long been abandoned by her, earthquakes have existed since ancient times, but coincided with my timely fart, she couldn't figure it out for a while.

  At this time, the hero and the emperor were different. Jing Ke had been listening to the broadcast intently from start to finish. The earthquake did not scare him at all, but now that the ground was calm again, he smiled at me with a flattering smile, as if only blaming me for not saying hello before making such a big noise. Xiang Yu bowed half-kneeling to me and said sincerely: "A thousand troops and horses are no match for Xiao Qiang's fart, Xiang Mou is convinced!"

  I'm holding onto my baozi, almost crying out loud. Half of it is because I'm scared, the other half is also because I'm scared. One half is due to this unprecedented earthquake experience, and the other half is due to their words. Now it seems that no matter how I explain, they won't believe what I say. From their expressions, after being shocked, they seem to be proud of knowing me, and if they go around saying it, rumors can be terrifying, three people can make a tiger, who knows, maybe some will believe it.

  Manager Xiaoqiang of the pawnshop No. 10, after farting, a strong earthquake occurred in this city. If I weren't Xiaoqiang, I would spread it everywhere. Then, if the National Security Agency were to find out, what crime would this be? At the very least, it would be damaging others' property and disrupting social order. More seriously, this could even constitute treason - of course, we should trust the government, the above is just nonsense.

  That's unbearable even for a folk legend! Xia Le, who owed me 30 cents, was called "Fart Boy" by us for an entire semester just because he farted loudly in class.

  I'm worried, I'm anxious, I'm pulling my hair out. I seriously told them: "What just happened, don't let anyone else know."

  This sentence has played a role in nailing the coffin, and even Li Shishi is a bit suspicious of the value of that fart. Er Sha said mysteriously: "Don't worry, I won't tell ordinary people." Who would believe what he says? Last time, who led the way to trouble me with that 20 million yuan wind bottle?

  Qin Shi Huang excitedly said: "If I had you back then when I unified the six states, it would have been even more wonderful."

  Liu Bang crawled out from under the table and said very seriously to me: "I will never walk behind you again."

  The baozi was hiding in my arms, but said with a bit of anger: "You guys can't make any more trouble, see what you should do?"

  Damn it! I don't have any idea what to do now, and all I can think of is that I shouldn't have eaten those two radishes!

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