Chapter Sixteen: Durene's Savory Flavor

  I and Xiang Yu went upstairs, only to see Baozi bossing people around: "Fatty, you peel this garlic; Liu Ji, you stir the eggs evenly; Ke Zi, you rinse the rice." Seeing us coming up, Baozi pointed at the gas tank: "Qiang Zi, you go and change it with Da Ge."

  I grabbed the gas cylinder and moved it twice, saying: "Brother Yu, lend a hand and put it on my shoulder." Xiang Yu used only one finger to hook the cylinder in mid-air and asked: "Where to put it?"

  "Alright, you carry it and follow me." What a stubborn guy! He's capable of moving mountains but can't even change a gas tank without asking me to carry it.

  I'm walking ahead, and behind me is a big guy carrying our family's gas tank. This feeling is just so good! I remember one time when I went to Baozi's house, her old man didn't know about our relationship at the time, and he also needed to change the gas tank, and he asked me to help him carry it on his shoulder. When I was carrying it on my own shoulders, the old man was really proud of me!

  It's okay now, as soon as the gas at home is gone, I'll go help him change it. The old man was just like me now, walking slowly in front with his hands behind his back, deliberately passing through big streets and small alleys, and even lingering for a while in front of someone's house, because that person used to live opposite the baozi family, from when baozi was three months old, he predicted that this child would be hard to find a wife in the future.

  The old man was well aware of the relationship between me and Baozi, because once when I went to eat, the old man chatted with me about football, and just as we were chatting, he suddenly asked me: "Have you tried Durex's new cumin flavor?" I thought for a moment and casually said: "That one is too expensive, we usually use..." At this time someone came into the house, and the old accountant was like nothing had happened, saying: "What did that guy say to Zidane?"

  It's clear that my father-in-law, Old Tai Shan, is a formidable figure. This old guy's train of thought can be cut off as suddenly as a pencil being shot by a bullet. I was left baffled for a long time, wondering how he came up with the idea that Durex wasn't strange, but later on, when summer arrived and I went to their house again, I discovered that Baozi's mom had body odor.

  "Suddenly I remembered something interesting: 'Feather brother, did you have children back then?'"

  Xiang Yu lowered his head and said: "I have a concubine who has given birth to two sons for me."

  I laughed and said: "So you might be the thirty-something generation ancestor of Baozi."

  Xiang Yu stopped suddenly and asked me: "What do you mean by this?"

  I just realized that I had misspoken, if Xiang Yu knew that he was now over 2000 years after that era, I don't know what he would do, but one thing is for sure, he wouldn't calm down, and might even die again, whereas in this year, theoretically, he shouldn't be able to die, playing infinite rebirth with me is unbearable.

  My idea is to teach him how to drive slowly, after all, even if Chu Bawang was very smart, he's still a person from thousands of years ago. Plus, I'll intentionally not teach him well, so it will take at least half a year for him to reach the level of Baozi. By then, I'll spend some money on gas and take him to drive around the elementary school campus a few times, giving him a "joyful surprise". A beautiful car with a beautiful woman, the car is always in front, have you ever seen a woman being a model for a car? Haven't you seen a car being an accessory for a beautiful woman?

  Let's get back to the story, although it has been a thousand years since then, Xiang Yu actually left Yu Ji for only a few days, so it's not strange that he still had some lingering thoughts. Men who have achieved success in their careers often like to indulge in the feeling of first love, which is understandable.

  I casually made a few remarks, and when I arrived at the place to change the gas, I went in to pay the money. The boss's fourth-grade son came back, holding a basketball, saw Xiang Yu, and looked up with his head parallel to the ground, curiously saying: "Uncle, are you playing basketball?"

  Xiang Yu looked down at him and walked away - I reckon he was afraid that if he wasn't careful, he would trample the child to death.

  That kid patted the basketball and innocently asked, "How far can you throw this?" He then tossed the ball to Xiang Yu. After catching it, Xiang Yu was taken aback for a moment. To avoid being bothered by the kid again, he casually threw the ball, which flew away like it had grown wings. The kid initially waited with his eyes wide open for the ball to come back down. By the time I finished paying and came out, two minutes had passed. The kid sat on the ground, wailing loudly.

  I paid that unlucky kid 50 bucks, and I couldn't help but scold Xiang Yu. Xiang Yu innocently said: "I didn't use any force." As he spoke, he started playing with the gas canister, tossing it back and forth in his hand. My heart racing, I said: "You absolutely cannot play with this!"

  That night, all TVs in the city could not receive any channels. After inspection and repair, a mysterious object resembling a basketball was found at the key part of the TV tower receiver.

  When we went back, they had basically finished their work. The only thing was that Qin Shi Huang's mouth had a strong garlic smell. I was puzzled how there could be such an emperor who even tasted the garlic on his head. The character for insect with the radical for emperor is not from him, right?

  Liu Bang was indeed good at stirring things up, and a bowl of egg drop soup had already been stirred by him into a Tai Chi-like state, still stirring away, with a series of flattering smiles that made one want to hit him, who knows what he was saying to Bao Zi. The problem is that Bao Zi wasn't some beautiful woman, if a man flirted with her she wouldn't think much of it, this had something to do with her looking in the mirror every day.

  However, from the back view, Baozi and Li Shishi are absolutely top-level models. Baozi is less than 2 cm taller than Li Shishi. Unlike Li Shishi's devilish figure, Baozi's curves seem to have a kind of divinity, like a piece of porcelain placed in a beam of sunlight, with an ambiguous appearance that is half bright and half dark. Under the cylindrical light, the visible dust slowly floats... To put it this way, as soon as you see it, you think: This room should be cleaned too...

  Li Shishi handed over the washed vegetables to Baozi, who chopped them quickly with his knife and said: "Qiangzi, nothing else to do, you guys play poker for a while, and then we'll eat."

  I pinched a deck of cards, furrowed my brow and waved my hand: "All of you follow me into this room." I called the four people including Liu Bang to Baozi's and Li Shishi's bedroom. They looked at me one by one with wide eyes, they understood what was going on this time. Baozi said it was "play", they were used to getting surprises all the time, but they had never seen me play anything wholeheartedly before. I estimated that with their current mindset, even if I turned a slipper into a smoked chicken, they wouldn't be surprised at all.

  I slapped the poker cards down on the table and spread out my hands saying: "You guys play."

  These four guys each took a few, then looked at each other in dismay. Jing Ke examined a square tile for half a day and said: "It seems that this little guy won't move either." Qin Shi Huang put the poker in front of his nose to smell it, and I hurriedly collected all the cards from their hands, because they saw that the cards were oily and had the intention of tasting the salty and bland.

  I didn't hold out much hope and recited the rules, Jing Ke drew a red three of diamonds and placed it on the table. Liu Bang also casually drew one, took a look, and slammed it onto the table - it was a plum blossom four. Qin Shi Huang drew a red two of diamonds, his hand fluttered as he slapped it onto the table, and he glared at Liu Bang saying: "Look what I've got, mine is bigger than yours." Xiang Yu was even more outrageous, flipping all the cards over and placing the big ghost on top.

  I was amazed to find that these people had actually understood the basic rules.

  Actually, I made a mistake, always thinking they are not as intelligent as me. But even if Jing Er Chuo is stupid, he's not simple at all. Zhao Benshan can make people laugh by cheating them, while Jing Er Chuo can cheat Fan Yuqi to death, who's stronger?

  I washed the cards and played a regular game of Top House with them. In between, I helped Winnie correct his habit of taking two cards at once and Liu Bang's habit of looking at other people's cards. We played for 5 minutes and I lost both games!

  Luckily I didn't tell them about the rule of presenting tributes to the losers.